Many funny stories and jokes



Erma Bombeck was an American humorist who achieved great popularity for her newspaper column that described suburban home life humorously from the mid-1960s until the late ’90s. Bombeck also published 15 books, most of which became best-sellers.

From 1965 to 1996, Erma Bombeck wrote over 4,000 newspaper columns chronicling the ordinary life of a midwestern suburban housewife with broad, and sometimes eloquent, humor. By the 1970s, her witty columns were read, twice weekly, by thirty million readers of 900 newspapers of the U.S. and Canada.

Here are a few quotes from Erma Bombeck.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill.

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

It is fast approaching the point where I don’t want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the job. (on the US presidency)

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a other must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment’s anxiety, and was never a child.

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren’t dying. They’re merging into big conglomerates.

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

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