An intermediate English resource.
Here are some good jokes in easy English.
1. Bill and Joe — a funny story
Bill and Joe are two long-distance truck-drivers. One day they are driving their 44-tonne truck on a small road in Europe, when they come to a bridge.
«Oh look! » says Bill. «Look at the sign ! It says Maximum weight 20 Tonnes.»
«Oh !» says Joe. Then he says; «Wait a minute, I’ll get out and have a look!»
A minute later Joe comes back to the truck, and says ; «OK Bill, no problem! I’ve had a look. Let’s go ! There are no police on the other side. «
2. Another joke with Bill and Joe…
Bill and Joe are on holiday beside a beautiful lake. On Monday morning, they decide to go fishing, so they go down to the harbour and hire a boat. It’s a beautiful day, and they catch lots of fish.
«This is a good spot!» says Bill. » We must come back here again tomorrow!»
«Yes, excellent idea ! » replies Joe. «We must come back to exactly the same spot !»
«And how will we find exactly the same spot again ?» asks Bill.
«That’s easy ! I’ve marked a big X on the side of the boat,» answers Joe.
«Hey, stupid ! That’s no good !» says Bill ! «We might not get the same boat tomorrow!»
Question : A horse is standing in a field with its nose facing north. In what direction will its tail be pointing ?
Answer — See below !
Question : Why can a dog only chase a rabbit half way into a wood ?
Answer — See below !
5. A quotation
From Oscar Wilde….. «I can resist everything….. except temptation.»
6 School humour….
Jane, a new teacher, went on a psychology course.
At the beginning of her next class, she said. «Hello children, I hope you are all very clever ! Are you?»
A few children said «Yes!», but most of the class said nothing.
So Jane asked a different question. «Are any of us in this room stupid? If so, stand up !»
For a few seconds no childen moved, but then Freddie stood up.
«Ah Freddie, so you think you’re stupid do you?»
«No Miss, not really,» answered Freddie; «But you shouldn’t be the only person standing up !»
7. Problem at the airport
Mr and Mrs Smith were going on holiday to Spain. As usual there was lots of traffic on the highway, and they only just got to the airport on time. They parked the car, got out their suitcases, and took the bus to the terminal. At last they reached the check-in desk.
As they got there, Mr. Smith turned to his wife and said. «I wish I’d brought the piano with us !»
«The piano ?!??» she replied. «Are you stupid? We can’t take the piano on the plane.»
«No, I know. But I’ve just remembered that I left the tickets on the piano….»
8. More problems for Bill and Joe
Bill and Joe are driving their truck one day on a road in the country, when they come to another warning sign. It’s another bridge, but this time it’s a bridge over the road. The sign says. «Warning. Low Bridge ! Maximum height 4.2 metres! «
«Oh no!» says Bill. «Height limit four point two metres ! And our lorry’s four point four metres high. We’re twenty centimetres too high.»
«Oh that’s not a problem,» answers Joe. «We can let the air out of the tyres, then we’ll be 25 centimetres lower ! We can blow them up again at the other side of the bridge !»
«Don’t be an idiot, Joe, » Bill replies. «That won’t help ! The tyres are at the bottom of the lorry; and it’s at top that we’re too high for the bridge !»
More jokes coming !
Joke 3 : Downwards, of course !
Joke 4 : Because after that, it will be chasing the rabbit out of the wood !