Short Japan Jokes
Q: How does every Japanese joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: Whats the difference between a smart Japanese man and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they’re both fictional characters
Q: What’s a Japanese girl’s favorite holiday?
A: «Erection» day.
Q: Why wasn’t Jesus born in Japan?
A: He couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: Why do Japanese Sumo Wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So you can tell them apart from the feminists.
Q: Why are there never any Japanese bingo players?
A: They always disappear after they hear B-29
Q: What has 2 wings and a halo?
A: A Japanese telephone, Wing-wing, halo?
Q: What do you call a bunch of Asians in a pool?
A: Rice Krispies
Q: What time was it when godzilla ate the Japanese prime minister?
A: Eight P.M.
Q: What do Japanese kids eat at snack time?
A: Anime crackers.
Q: How many Japanese does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It doesn’t matter because they’re all to short.
Q: A Japanese ship sinks, there is only one lifeboat, how many people are saved?
A: Nine. (The Japanese word for lifeboat is ‘kyuu-mei’, which is another way to say ‘nine people’.)
Q: What Japanese drink is made from cabbage, carrots, and broccoli?
A: Mitsuya Cider (‘mitsu yasai da’ means ‘three vegetables’)
Q: What do you call a Japanese protest?
A: a SITUASIAN.
Q: What do they eat for breakfast in Tokyo?
Q: How do you know if a Japanese gang robbed your house?
A: All the rice is gone and 3 hours later they’re still trying to backup out of the driveway.
Q: What did the Japanese father tell his daughter?
A: You allergic to bees…..Good! Get A’s or C your way out of my house.
Q: A pig and a horse had a race. Who won?
A: The pig. (Why? ‘ton-katsu da kara’. ‘Ton-katsu’ is ‘pork cutlet’, and ‘katsu’ also means ‘to win’.)
A little japanese breed dog bit a man and the owner got the shitzued out of him!
We were so poor when I was growing up that all my clothes came from the army and navy store’
….. you will never know how embarrassing it was going to school dressed as a japanese admiral.
MY dad was a photographer and when he got mad he would hit me with his camera ….. I still get flashbacks
I will Kyoto any length to open this door.
«Japans (ya pants) are so tight»
«Japan cakes are very good.»
JAPANESE PREGNANCY TEST: Put an unsolved Rubik’s cube into her vagina. If it comes out solved, she is pregnant.
If you spin a Japanese man around would he become disoriented?
If Japanese Pop is Jpop then what is Chinese rap? CRAP?
My parents are so Japanese they Honor-killed my sister for getting an A- on a math test!
I wonder if the Japanese put their smileys like this )
«A Japanese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.
The following week, he walked in with another 2000 yen, and was handed $66.
He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.
The teller said, «Fluctuations.»
The Japanese man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, «Fluc you Amelicans, too!»
There were three guys traveling in Africa, a Frenchman, a Japanese, and an American. They are captured by a tribe of fierce headhunters. The witch doctor says to them, «We are going to slaughter you, but you might take some comfort in the fact that we don’t believe in waste here, and that therefore every part of your body will go to some use. We will weave baskets out of your hair, we will render your bones for glue, and we will tan your skin and stretch it over wooden frames for canoes. Now we are going to allow you an honorable death, so I will give you each a knife and allow you to say some last words before killing yourselves.»
The Japanese guy yells «Banzai!» and commits hari-kari.
The French guy yells «Vive la France!» and slits his throat.
Then the American guy takes the knife, pokes holes all over his body, and yells, «There’s your fucking canoe!»
A frustrated Japanese father vented, «When I was a youngster, I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But in my son’s room, he has his own color TV, telephone, computer, and CD player.»
«So what do you do?» asked his friend.
«I send him to MY room!» exclaimed the father.
Solving Trade Deficits
The Japanese people are said to have a great interest in Western things, especially those from the United States. This can be used to our strategic advantage to help solve our trade deficit with Japan.
We need to export TV shows like «Perry Mason» and «LA Law» and ensure that they are widely broadcasted. Once their children grow up wanting to become lawyers they are finished!
Recent reports indicate the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of improving. If anything, it’s getting worse. Following last week’s news that Origami Bank had folded, it was today learned that Sumo Bank has gone belly up. Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is going for a song.
Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 jobs at Karate Bank will be chopped. Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.
Made In Japan
There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, «Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!»
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, «Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!»
And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, «Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!»
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.
The Japanese exclaimed, «Wah… so expensive!»
There upon, the driver yelled back, «Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!»
Time of the Samurai
In the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who needed a new head Samurai so he sent out a declaration throughout the country that he was searching for one. A year passed and only 3 people showed up.
The emperor asked the first Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head Samurai.
The first Samurai opened a match box and out pops a little fly. Whoosh goes his sword and the fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces.
The emperor exclaimed, «That is very impressive!»
The emperor then asked the second Samurai to come in and demonstrate. The second Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. Whoosh whoosh goes his sword. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces.
The emperor exclaimed, «That is really very impressive!»
The emperor then had the third Samurai demonstrate why he should be the head Samurai. The third Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. His flashing sword goes whoosshh whooosshh whoooossshhh whoooossshhh. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still alive and buzzing around.
The emperor, obviously disappointed, asks, «After all of that, why is the fly not dead?» The third Samurai smiled, «If you look closely, you’ll see that the fly has been circumcised!
An American man was sitting in his favorite restaurant when a Japanese bloke said to him, «I am sick of seeing your big round eyes.»
The American replied, «Put on a blind fold.»
The Japanese man asked, «Where do I get one?
The American then said, «Here take my shoe lace.»
Once there was a man that came from Japan to America, He couldnt speak English so he went to choir and learned how to say «Me me me me me me.»
Then he went to the store and saw a little girl say «He stole my dolly»
And on his way home he went to get meat from the butcher and learned how to say «Big butcher knife big butcher knife.»
Then he went home and watched an air freshener commercial and learned how to say «Plug it in Plug it in.»
Then he went to the store and there was a murder the police said «Who killed this man?»
The foreigner said «Me me me me me me me.»
The police said «Why did you kill him?»
And the man said «He stole my dolly.»
The police man said «What did you kill him with?»
The man said «Big butcher knife big butcher knife.»
Then they took him to jail and sentenced him to death.
The police man said «any last words?»
And the foreigner said «Plug it in plug it in.»