Conditional jokes-English


1. If we get engaged to be married, will you give me a ring ? A blister on your finger !If your tail was on fire, you would fly just as fast !Me.No, I would spend it !Polish them !Sure ! What’s your phone number ?The whole neighbourhood !don’t come running to me.if we hadn’t opened our mouths, we wouldn’t have been caught !I don’t know

2. If you found some money, would you keep it ? A blister on your finger !If your tail was on fire, you would fly just as fast !Me.No, I would spend it !Polish them !Sure ! What’s your phone number ?The whole neighbourhood !don’t come running to me.if we hadn’t opened our mouths, we wouldn’t have been caught !I don’t know

3. Fish 1 : How did we end up in this fish shop ? Fish 2 : Well, A blister on your finger !If your tail was on fire, you would fly just as fast !Me.No, I would spend it !Polish them !Sure ! What’s your phone number ?The whole neighbourhood !don’t come running to me.if we hadn’t opened our mouths, we wouldn’t have been caught !I don’t know

4. If the baby wakes up during the night, who gets up ? A blister on your finger !If your tail was on fire, you would fly just as fast !Me.No, I would spend it !Polish them !Sure ! What’s your phone number ?The whole neighbourhood !don’t come running to me.if we hadn’t opened our mouths, we wouldn’t have been caught !I don’t know

5. If you dial 215486598523541567850025680015474, what will you get ? A blister on your finger !If your tail was on fire, you would fly just as fast !Me.No, I would spend it !Polish them !Sure ! What’s your phone number ?The whole neighbourhood !don’t come running to me.if we hadn’t opened our mouths, we wouldn’t have been caught !I don’t know

6. Darling, if the boat sank, who would you save first, me or the children ? A blister on your finger !If your tail was on fire, you would fly just as fast !Me.No, I would spend it !Polish them !Sure ! What’s your phone number ?The whole neighbourhood !don’t come running to me.if we hadn’t opened our mouths, we wouldn’t have been caught !I don’t know

7. If you fall out of that tree and break your legs, A blister on your finger !If your tail was on fire, you would fly just as fast !Me.No, I would spend it !Polish them !Sure ! What’s your phone number ?The whole neighbourhood !don’t come running to me.if we hadn’t opened our mouths, we wouldn’t have been caught !I don’t know

8. What would you do if you were in my shoes ? A blister on your finger !If your tail was on fire, you would fly just as fast !Me.No, I would spend it !Polish them !Sure ! What’s your phone number ?The whole neighbourhood !don’t come running to me.if we hadn’t opened our mouths, we wouldn’t have been caught !I don’t know

9. Two birds were sitting on a branch of a tree watching a jet plane pass high overhead. ‘Look at that speed of that bird ! ‘ said the youngest bird. And the older bird replied : ‘ A blister on your finger !If your tail was on fire, you would fly just as fast !Me.No, I would spend it !Polish them !Sure ! What’s your phone number ?The whole neighbourhood !don’t come running to me.if we hadn’t opened our mouths, we wouldn’t have been caught !I don’t know

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