Adult & Non Veg Jokes | Sexy & Funny Restricted Jokes

  • The Govt is to announce that the GST would definitely apply to the Penis because it provides a Service. The way the tax will apply was difficult to decide. This was due to the fact that —
    90 percent of the time it is hanging around unemployed,

    5 percent of the time it is hard up,
    4 percent of the time it is pissed off.
    1 percent of the time only it is in active service.
    On top of that it has two dependents and they are both nuts.

    Effective from 1st Dec, 2020, Penis will be taxed according to its size —
    10″-12″ Super Luxury Tax,
    8″-10″ Luxury Tax,
    5″-. 8″ Privilege Tax,
    4″-. 5″ Basic Tax.
    Males exceeding 12″ must also file under Capital Gains Tax.

    Anyone under 4″ is eligible for Exemption under Handicapped catagory.

    The Penis Taxpayers Association is still awaiting clarification on a number of questions raised on this new tax including:
    Will there be rebates for early withdrawal ?
    What if one’s penis is self employed ?
    Do multiple partners count as Corporation ?
    Are condoms deductible as expenses ?

    For more, call your CAs.

  • As an ultimate test of his will power, a man decided to give up sex for a month. Although not thrilled with the idea, his wife agreed to support him in this effort.

    The first few days weren’t too difficult. Things got tougher during the next couple of weeks, so the wife wore her dowdiest night clothes and chewed on garlic before going to bed. The last week was extremely tough on the husband, so the wife took to locking the bedroom door and forcing the husband to sleep on the couch.

    A month finally ended. A knock came on the wife’s bedroom door.

    «KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!!» husband: «Guess who?»

    wife: «I know who it is!»

    husband:»Guess what I want?»

    wife: «I know what you want!»

    husband: «Guess what I’m knockin’ with?»

  • A lady goes to the doctor and complains her husband is losing interest in sex. He gives her a pill but warns her it is still experimental. He tells her to slip it in his mashed potatoes at dinner and she does.

    About a week later she’s back at the doctor and says, «The pill worked great. I put it in his mashed potatoes like you said. It wasn’t five minutes later and he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes on the floor, grabbed me and made love right there on the table.»

    The doctor says, «I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.»

    The lady replied, «Naah, That’s okay. We aren’t going back to that restaurant anyway.»

  • A man, new in town, goes to the best brothel in the city. Choosing the best looking girl in the place, he retires to a large and well-appointed suite, where he has some of the best sex of his life.

    Satiated, the man asks the madam, «How much do I owe you?»

    The madam motions for him to put away his money. She then pulls two hundred dollars out of a purse and gives it to him. She fends off all his attempts for an explanation.

    Naturally, the man returns the following evening. He gets the same treatment, and is again given two hundred dollars.

    The third night he does the same thing, but when he sees the madam she asks him for three hundred dollars.

    «Wait a minute,» he says. «The first night you gave me two hundred dollars. The second night you gave two hundred dollars. Now you want me to pay you three hundred? Why?»

    The madam smiles and says, «Tonight you weren’t being filmed.»

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