99 Funniest Dad Jokes

Trying to determine what makes a good (or bad) dad joke is not so easy, but there are some certain ingredients that we can name. First of all, the one-liner has to be administered by a dad (not necessarily your own), it has to be both corny and somewhat amusing, and most of all it just has to have a hackneyed pun to make it the best joke ever. Although not everyone is a big fan of that type of comedy gold, there is a certain amount of appreciation any person can have for a well-timed funny pun. Especially if it’s followed by thunderous laughter from the person and the classic finger-guns pose.

Oh, and if you’re a dad joke aficionado like we are, you might be surprised to know, as to where these inappropriate jokes stem from. So, the first theory is because your beloved father just feels nostalgic to those times when you were little and laughed at just about anything. The other approach for these hilarious jokes is a much more anticipated one — your father wants to embarrass you as much as he can while he can. And that’s precisely what these funny jokes are meant to do.

Scroll down below to see some of the best funny dad jokes around and don’t forget to comment and vote for your favorites.

Today, my son asked «Can I have a book mark?» and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.

Tface Report

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

porichoygupto Report

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

DAD: Uh, I can’t remember… I think her name was Reese something?

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

DAD: No, it was with a knife…

Alessia_Fisher Report

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

tymoski Report

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

motherfkersantana Report

Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

somekindahuman Report

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

korpsart Report

The secret service isn’t allowed to yell «Get down!» anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell «Donald, duck!»

ldrescher Report

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

raheel1122 Report

My daughter screeched, «Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to one word I’ve said, have you!?» What a strange way to start a conversation with me…

madazzahatter Report

A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

porichoygupto Report

My wife tried to unlatch our daughter’s car seat with one hand and said, «How do one armed mothers do it?» Without missing a beat I replied, «Single handedly.»

thunderup_14 Report

When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that’s a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!

AshleyJack Report

My friend keeps saying «cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.» I know he means well.

StewPaddasso Report

Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.

Spider_Dimwit Report

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

omgthatspunny Report

MOM: «How do I look?» DAD: «With your eyes.»

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Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.

Capetoider Report

If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?

Gingafer81 Report

Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

AshleyJack Report

I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”

madazzahatter Report

KID: «Dad, make me a sandwich!» DAD: «Poof, you’re a sandwich!”

th0nkii Report

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

DeathEater101 Report

SERVER: «Sorry about your wait.» DAD: «Are you saying I’m fat?”

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What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? AYE MATEY

Muter Report

CASHIER: «Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?» DAD: «No, just leave it in the carton!’”

ChiePie Report

What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

Lliizzaarrddd Report

When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring: «They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.”

IABDPresents Report

If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.

porichoygupto Report

What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador.

offmlc Report

5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

jnnx3 Report

GRANDPA: I have a ‘dad bod’, DAD: To me it’s more like a father figure.

maryfountain Report

When a dad drives past a cow pasture: LOOK! That cow is OUT-STANDING in his field!

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I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

TheSupraDixk Report

KID: «Hey, I was thinking…» DAD: «I thought I smelled something burning.”

AshleyJack Report

A termite walks into a bar and asks, «Is the bar tender here?»

BradC Report

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.

superdrew91 Report

SON: *hands my Dad his 50th birthday card*, DAD: You know, one would have been enough.

porichoygupto Report

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, «Sorry we don’t serve food here.»

bobbyperuse Report

What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

_solidwarp_ Report

To call the whole Elon Musk controversy “Elon-Gate” seems like a bit of a stretch.

JuIius_Seizure95 Report

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.

allmyritz Report

I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!

atodaso Report

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na.

mozeiny Report

Where did the college-aged vampire like to shop? Forever 21.

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GROCERY STORE CHECKER: «Paper or plastic?» DAD: «Either, I’m bisacktual.”

AshleyJack Report

What did the horse say after it tripped? «Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

AshleyJack Report

Why wasn’t the woman happy with the velcro she bought? It was a total ripoff.

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I hear it’s easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods. It’s more difficult to deter gents, though.

Boomkiller Report

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, «First offender?» She says, «No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”

FunnyGenious Report

You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there? European.

twofirstkinds Report

I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.

IsaiaHarris03 Report

WAITRESS: «Soup or salad?» DAD: «I don’t want a SUPER salad, I want a regular salad.”

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

dadjokes Report

As a lumberjack, I know that I’ve cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.

TF79870 Report

Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind… it’s tearable.

boris73 Report

Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!

Lee_Hey_pat Report

I was interrogated over the theft of a cheese toastie. Man, they really grilled me.

TheHaleyBaby Report

If you rearrange the letters of “Postmen”. They get really pissed off.

porichoygupto Report

A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, «I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.»

USAneedsAJohnson Report

You heard of that new band 1023MB? They’re good but they haven’t got a gig yet.

Gamer-Citrus Report

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.

Rohi0109 Report

Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.

Report

DAD, TO A SINGER: «Don’t forget a bucket.» SINGER: «Why?» DAD: «To carry your tune.»

_solidwarp_ Report

I told my 14 year old son I thought ‘Fortnite’ was a stupid name for a computer game. I think it is just too weak.

24two Report

How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, «Ribbit, ribbit» and a horny toad says, «Rub it, rub it.”

turtleforeskin88 Report

Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse!

madazzahatter Report

NURSE: «Blood type?» DAD: «Red.»

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